GHS - "Why, my son lazy to learn? He was too pessimistic, feeling ga Able to Become a champion. Let alone be champion, it can be a high value even she does not know."
"How can he optimistic? Why would he be pessimistic like that?"
Mother, do you have the same problem as the mother above? Your child lazy learning. The reason, he too pessimistic get the achievement. He felt unworthy of achievement Because he thought he was not a smart person.
Not be taken lightly, yes, Mother, if your child has learning problems like that.
One common learning problems we encountered was a mental problem. Child Mental hampered by irrational thought patterns that the Make them feel inferior, bad, not good, and will never be Able to Achieve achievement.
In psychological terms, it is a common irrational thought patterns called distorted thinking. Not infrequently, they are distorted thinking makes adult stress and depression. Well, besides bringing a bad impact for adults, thinking distoreted Also bring adverse effects on the child. With the mindset of irrational / distorted thinking, the child Becomes personally pessimistic, insecure, and felt bad.
However, do not worry, Mother. You can help your child to change the mindset was such that he is free from negative thoughts about him. The key, you must first know what the irrational mindset. Knowing what the make-irrational thought patterns that children learn pessimistic, you know how to change that mindset.
Well, here are some irrational thought patterns that the Make children learn and how to change this pessimism.
Black and white
The first, the child thinks that he should reach perfection. For example, when the math test, he thinks he should get the value 100. Or, if it does not receive a value of 100, then it is better not to get value as well, No. 7, 8, or 9. Anyway, the value must be perfect, ie 100.
Mother, if you think like a child on top of the value, if it is too glorifies perfection and disgusted with the failure, then you must be alert. It is a sign there is something wrong with the patterns of thought.
He Considered things in black and white. If it is not good, yes definitely bad. If not perfect, yes definitely flawed.
With the mindset of black-and-white, the child feels bad when he did not get the value 100. Even if he gets a score of 8 or 9, he still felt disappointed. Why? Because, he Considered in addition to the value of 100 is bad, not perfect. Otherwise it must be black and white. According to your child.
Well, the mindset like that would make a child learn pessimistic, especially when children rarely get a perfect score (100). He will be frustrated, where frustrations in the end of the Gave up.
So, how to solve it? How to change the mindset of the black-and-white?
People who have the mindset of black and white was a perfectionist. They are glorifying perfection and contempt for failure or deficiency. They are anti to failure. In fact, failure is an important phase that needs to be passed by the child in the learning process . With the failure, the child knows his fault that makes it fail. By doing so, he did not repeat that mistake.
Well, if your child has a black-and-white mindset aka perfectionist, then tell him that a perfect score is very important. As much as possible he should receive a perfect score. However, if that fails, then no need to regret the failure. Embrace failure with joy. Why? Because failure is a valuable lesson. failure to tell reviews reviews reviews reviews their children should he correct the mistake. That way, the child is Able to correct his mistakes.
Overgeneralisasi
The second is the mindset that children generalize failure. For example, one day, have a test of physics in its class. At the exam, he got poor grades. 5, for example.
Well, because of that incident, Whenever repetition and getting poor grades, he then swore to myself, "Damn! Selaaaaalu be a poor grade. Bodoooooh!"
Whereas, in fact, not always he got poor grades. He Also had to get good grades. However, he forgot for being too focused on poor grades.
Because mindset overgeneralisasi, he was pessimistic study. He thinks it's useless Also studied, Because in the end still get poor grades.
Then, how to change the mindset was such that he was Able to see its advantages?
If your child thinks that he always gets poor grades, and therefore he is lazy to learn, you can say this to him: "The hell you can always bad grades? Try remembered. Worse how?" Take her to compare the values of a test. If now he scored 6, while in the previous repetition he gets the value 5, then he has Achieved a progress. Tell him that he would have Achieved, ie, its value is Increased from 5 to 6. The most important thing there is to say that progress is Achieved. If the current value is 6, tomorrow should be at least 7, and does not have to be 100.
That way, the child is not frustrated by value. Perfect value is very important, but the process to get it is no less important. It could be, in the process, children experience failure or slow progress. No problem. The important thing he has tried and Able to learn from mistakes.
Putting aside the positive information
This mindset is almost Similar overgeneralizing. When he got bad grades, he was disappointed Immediately without considering the positive side.
For example, Initially, he was always score below 5. But then, in a math test he scored 7. Well, he was not pleased with that achievement, but rather disappointed.
Why was he disappointed? Because it Compares the value 7 with a perfect score of 100. When he Compares alias value (7) with a perfect score (100), he found the value is still far from perfect. This is the negative information that upset. and, he Grew disappointed when only focusing on this information and the exclusion of positive information.
What are the exclusion of positive information? Information that the learning process has Increased. The proof, she Initially scored five, now he gets a score of 7. That is an increase of of of learning. That's the setting aside of the positive information.
Due to the exclusion of positive information and just focus on the negative information, the child was disappointed. He was disappointed with his learning process, the roomates he said no progress. And, because of that disappointment, he was pessimistic study.
Mother, child, if you have the mindset like above, not be taken lightly. Just focus on the negative information, and the exclusion of positive information makes children pessimistic, stress, and depression. You need to help change that mindset.
How to? The trick, remind her about the exclusion of the positive information. If negative information is upset, positive information can entertain Themselves and reduce frustration. In addition, positive information also can make it back eager to learn.
Catastrophic
Catastrophic tantamount to exaggerate the problem.
For example, one day, the child takes music lessons. But, on the first day of learning music, he made many mistakes. More than that, he does not understand what is being taught music teacher.
Because of it, he thinks that he is not talented in music. He was not destined to play music. He wondered, "What if later I still can not play music? Semuaya will be in vain." In fact, he had first learned music. So, it's normal not understand much of what was taught music teacher.
However, due to catastrophic thinking, he ruled out that information. He put aside the fact that he had first learned music and therefore normal that still a lot of mistakes.
With catastrophic mindset, he stressed, disappointed and pessimistic. He broke studied music playing skills.
So, how to help your child change that mindset?
Tell him that he had first learned about the music, and therefore normal that do not understand what is being taught music teacher.
Labeling
Labeling is almost equal to overgeneralisasi. When children think by labeling, they pinned A Certain identity to himself, in the which he made his identity as a symbol, identity, and the image itself.
The mindset of labeling makes children identified himself with the specific identities, where identities unfortunately it is the identity of the negative connotations such as "idiot", "si Oneng", "stupid" and etc. In short, the mindset labeling to the make children give a bad stereotype about him.
For example, it is difficult, to understand the lesson. He was slower than his friends.
Mindful of the fact that your child is then labeled himself as "the Oneng".
By labeling, children Become less confident of his ability. He felt useless to learn, yet he is the fool, the which is difficult, to understand the lesson.
The mindset of labeling an irrational mindset. Children who are slow in learning does not mean the child was stupid. Could be, the teacher explaining the lesson is less effective so that the child is difficult, to understand. Or, he is slow to learn Because he thinks detail and critical. People who think in detail and critically Easily not accept explanations of others. He is more satisfied to explore the subject matter Independently, without the help of others, Including teachers.
Unreal ideal
Already a tendency us, modern humans, like to compare ourselves with others. In fact, we like to compare our friends with others. When Choosing a partner, for example, we compare some of the candidates, and we choose the best of the best.
Well, if we like to compare, as well as our children. Due to cultural influences like to compare, they were fond of Comparing. Themselves they compare with others. They compare Themselves with friends who are superior.
Often, Reviews These comparisons even exaggerated.
Exaggerated how it mean?
That is why children no longer Compares himself with his friend, but to compare Themselves with images of the ideal (idealized image) friends.
For example, a friend of his named C is indeed a champion subscription. No doubt the smartest children in the class C.
Well, first, your child Compares himself with the actual C. This comparison alone makes minder. Moreover, plus he Compares himself true to the ideal picture of the C. Of course, your child minder added.
So, what the hell is ideal picture?
Ideal picture is positive identities are pinned on someone. The picture could be a basis in reality, but not infrequently far from reality.
If this ideal picture does not match reality, then we call it unreal ideal image alias idealized image that does not match reality.
In the example above, what is the picture of the ideal C? Ideal image that can be either positive labeling to the C, like the label "genius", "not learned yet still intelligent", "cool", "multitalent", "versatile" and so on.
If we look, all of the label is a label that is positive. However, the label does not necessarily Correspond to reality. C is not necessarily the child genius, Although he was always champion 1. The course Also the C-rounder. Perhaps, he was clever in the lesson. But, who knows he is weak in practice.
Well, if your child likes to compare himself with friends, you should be wary. Why? Could be, he Compares himself with the actual picture of his ideal.
With that attitude, he exaggerated his judgment of his friend. For example, his friend is clever, but exaggerating your child and assess his genius, his IQ is above average. Or, perhaps his friend indeed mastered the skills. However, exaggerating your child as a child-rounder. Whereas, in fact, he is not a child-rounder. He just mastering some skills and not versatile.
In essence, what you see is not always reflect the real situation. However, your child think what he saw reflect the actual situation.
Well, it would make it inadequate. How come? Compared He himself the real, the which has advantages and disadvantages, with his friend Whom he imagined as a perfect figure. Of course, the comparison is not balanced. In comparison, the course of your child losing his superior Compared to the ideal.
Therefore, do not be surprised if your child minder and pessimistic Because Compared himself with his friends.
So, what if the child likes to compare himself with his friend who is superior? Tell him that everyone has weaknesses and strengths, as well as her and her friend. Although he did not seunggul his academic performance, but in Certain respects, Undoubtedly he has advantages that surpass his friend. Maybe he was not good at math, but he excelled in English lessons. Instead, his possible excel in math, but weak in English lessons.
Also Convey to him that what he saw was not always reflect the real situation. Perhaps he Considered her as a perfect figure. However, it could just assuming it does not match reality.
That way, the child does not feel inferior to watch her perform. He will think that he Also has advantages not Possessed her.
That's some irrational thought patterns that the make children learn pessimistic. By knowing the mindset-a mindset that, you can help your child change. Tus, he no longer pessimistic learn.
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